As I talked to my Father-God, I poured out my heart. I've been so frustrated over the last week or so, and I realized this morning that it's because I have these grand plans that I want God to be a part of, and He's so slow to join me. Typing that out is like smacking myself in the head over and over. Which is normal for me. I often don't realize how ridiculous and self-centered my heart is until I take the time to really ask God to reveal it to me.
This revelation brought to mind a tweet I saw recently from John Piper:
“Ah, stubborn children, who go down to Egypt, without asking for my direction." Isaiah 30:1-2 Forgive our God-obliviousness.
A wave of refreshment and the lifting of a crushing burden.
So I walked behind the houses that border the desert, and trekked toward the dam. It was in full view from where I was, but I couldn't quite make out the path through all the mesquite and cactuses (here's a nugget of gold from someone who studied grammar in college: cactuses is the preferred plural of cactus. Not cacti - although that's still correct). My desert walk turned into a little bit of a hike at this point, and involved a deep arroyo, a dead end, and a really steep hill filled with dead bushes of some blackish, menacingly thorny look. And LOTS of turning around.
BUT. I had been released from a burden that I'd been holding onto for several days, and I felt GOOD. I was even smiling as I got to the next obstacle and had to do an about-face.
And I thought: this is what I do! I make all these plans, and I start off toward some destination I have in mind when God hasn't told me to go there. At least, not yet. I run into obstacles and steep hills and have to turn around, go back to where God wants me to be, and wait for Him. "Those who wait on the LORD..."
There's comfort knowing that all of this is part of God's plan for my life. That He knows when I will try to run ahead, or look for a shortcut, or get lost. And He uses all of it. Not a speck is wasted.
Because if it didn't take me that long to get to my destination, I would have missed this: